Sometimes insecurity and doubt course through my veins like a paralysis leaving me unable to move like a vacuum they consume my insides until I am nothing but an abandoned whole truth or a beautiful shadow of Icarus who flew too close to the sun and melted his wings. I question everyone, everything, all relationships and I want to sever all ties and end all connections so I can start again as someone else, someone else, someone better, confident, intelligent, with eyes like Jupiter and the fabric of the universe my skin. I compare myself to others, to everyone and they are gods and goddesses bending time and space with their fingertips and I am a small wretched creature curving my spine as they pass and scampering between their legs and each scar and mark and imperfection is magnified and the worlds eyes bore into the cavities of soul and they see my true form and it is not beautiful and happiness is surrogate and it scares me. Sometimes I am overflowing, glowing with confidence and self love and I see the god in me and I see his my beauty and I see his my holiness and I am so sure about everyone, everything, all relationships and I know who I am, what I am, where I am, why I am and I am not a small mouse kept in breast pockets or some cheap wine for cheap dates but I am sitting on the same shelf with the world and we are all the same price, gods and goddesses on a level playing field and I am unapologetically my being and my scars don’t dictate where I am going but rather they tell a story of where I have been and I wonder why I am not a Victorias Secrets angel and this feeling feels good and this feeling is what I live for and it scares me.
by youshould-gethigher
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Labels: creatures, god, inspiring, introvert, lost, meaning, passion, pathos, philosophy, poem, poetry, prose, reflection, scene, unique